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| Source: Before I Do Pre-wedding Workshop |
What qualities of your partner are the most important to you?
Back when I was so much younger and definitely single, I wrote a very long list of qualities my future husband should possess. Boy, was it long! I think I filled up an entire notebook's page with all the adjectives and accompanying descriptions and explanations. Funny, but it's true. Talk about being specific. Some time later, I figured out this might be being too much of a perfectionist, and I know I am far from being perfect. So I decided to trim them down to just five, the five qualities that are the most important to me. I asked God to give me a husband who -
(1) is a committed follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, but not necessarily from my own church;
(2) is a responsible man who will provide well for our future family;
(3) is an intelligent and engaging conversationalist;
(4) is a kind-hearted guy; and
(5) is one who is highly competent in the kind of work that he does and excels in his chosen field.
I must have been twenty years old at that time --- crazy, young and not knowing anything about love and romance. My head was full of expectations and fantasies. My long list looked like a tall order, but I believed with all of my heart that nothing is too difficult for God. He can give me (and is actually willing to) more than what I could ever ask or imagine, so I said, why not make it the sky's the limit, right? I need to ask so that I can receive. So I also threw in the following optionals or negotiables (or in wedding parlance, the nice-to-haves):
(6) is taking up a Master's degree or has plans of doing so (I just like guys who keep on studying!);
(7) knows how to play a musical instrument; and
(8) knows and plays at least one sport.
For many years, I held on to that thick journal of mine where I wrote the list of qualities of my future husband which I fervently asked God for. I never had a boyfriend, but I did have suitors. They would have most of the qualities I listed, but none would have all five, much more the additional three which I appended to my original request. My heart ached, but no husband in sight. I knew deep down inside that God would have me get married, but the wait was killing me.
So I decided to pray differently this time. Instead of praying for a lifetime partner and whatever his qualities would be, I asked God to make me the perfect match to this one person He had in mind for me. I told God that He would have the first place in my life, and the spouse would have the second only. After that, I felt so much peace. The desire to get married didn't die or go away. I still wanted to get married. But I no longer obsessed over when and who I would end up with. I left such details to the Lord. By God's grace, I developed more patience for my love life to take shape according to how God designed it. I felt like I had played the role of the pursuer of love, instead of being the one who gets pursued by my man. It was a great relief and rest from years of trying to tweak my life to what I want it to be, and so I finally understood what it meant to fall in love with Jesus first before giving my heart to the man He had prepared for me. Still and all, no man in sight. No boyfriend to call me his own. No marriage proposal to say yes to.
Fast forward to 2007. I joined an all-women, inter-denominational but Bible-based class called Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) in Makati. They were expanding the class to another location to comprise a young adult class for both male and female, and I was drafted into the leadership. I prayed for it, and prayed about how and to what extent will I be involved in it. In my quiet time, the Lord was telling me to say yes to the leadership and serve Him in that capacity. So I said yes. And with that yes came the answer to one of my life's greatest request: Mr. M.
My fiance and I had repeatedly met in mid 2007 because of this Bible study class were were forming in the Ortigas / Quezon City area. But it was only in March 5, 2008 when we began talking with each other lengthily.
By the time we started the Bible class in 2008, I had already spent a considerable amount of time with Mr. M. The Bible class for young adults was doing well, and it actually ran for about four months from June to October of that year. When it finally folded up because we could not meet the required number of members, Mr. M and I were as close as the pages in a book. We were about to close the Bible class when he left for England for further studies. I guess God decided that since it already accomplished the purpose of bringing the two of us closer together, it was no longer necessary to continue the study. I hope I don't sound selfish with that analysis, but you know what, I couldn't help but think that way because almost all the ladies who joined that class eventually found another similar Bible study group in almost the same area. The same thing with the men. Isn't God amazing?
Ours is a simple love story but one we like to tell again and again. To paraphrase a Christian writer, it is the story of how God led this boy to meet the girl whom he's also been praying for. It's the story of how God still answers prayers --- and stuns us with the fantastic outcomes only He could have planned. It's the story of keeping quiet hearts and laying before Him our petitions and deepest desires, and leaving it up to Him to fulfill at the right time.
Today, at 223 days before our altar date, I just had the sudden urge to write this post and revisit my request which I asked from God years ago when I was much younger. I said I wanted one who is
(2) is a responsible man who will provide well for our future family;
(3) is an intelligent and engaging conversationalist;
(4) is a kind-hearted guy; and
(5) is one who is highly competent in the kind of work that he does and excels in his chosen field.
and I also added that it would be nice to have one who
(7) knows how to play a musical instrument, or sings well; and
(8) knows and plays at least one sport.
It doesn't end there.
Mr. M also has plans of pursuing higher studies after we get married, and we've already discussed this at length. Ooh, how I love it when people keep on growing in knowledge! God knew I wanted a life partner who like me, loves to just read and keep on learning. And guess what? He used to be part of his former church's choir! Why, he even sometimes sings as the lead! He has this fantastic singing voice that he could very well be a record artist. And he plays basketball during his free time. Isn't this all amazing and too wonderful? Only God can grant requests like this. Only God! This surely couldn't have been a coincidence.
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| This is where we will anchor our relationship and future family: on God and His Word Source: Before I Do Pre-wedding Workshop |
Today, as I revisit my request, I am awed by the God of the universe who wonderfully answered my prayers --- beyond all that I ever asked of Him. He exceeded all my expectations. I will try but this space is not enough to enumerate all the other beautiful things I realized He has given me when He gave me Mr. M. Forgive me but I cannot put into words how really right it is to put God at the center of one's life, and on top of all other priorities. God deserves the highest place and the greatest honor from us ---- whether He grants our prayers or not. I am convinced that if I had compromised, or if I did not wait for God to prepare me and Mr. M to get into a relationship, I would have been miserable, lonely and sad. I would've missed the best things He had in store for me.
As we count the days until our altar date, God reminds me again and again that this story started with Him. It's all about glorifying God in my current role as fiancee, and in his as my fiance; it's all about exhibiting the qualities that are most important to God: gentle, quiet spirit, humble, joyful and prayerful, among others...It's all about keeping this love triangle --- me and Mr. M and God --- and drawing closer to Him as we draw close to each other as well. It's all about revisiting requests we've made, because He is a prayer-answering, covenant-keeping God who wouldn't think twice of giving us what is best for us. The Lord does something truly awesome, fabulous, mind-blogging, and amazing when we lift up our hearts to Him and leave the rest in His hands. I just hope that we all stay at the center of His will because this is the way He designed it to be, and because this is the best place for anyone to stay.
So, what are your requests? Give them all to God, and be awed by how He will answer them!
