A hundred and plus days or so, and I will be Mr. M's wife. The thought makes me giddy, but I know that that excitement should be matched with a clear picture of reality, too. To be a girlfriend is far, far different from being a wife. They have very different demands and responsibilities. I remember last October, we already started talking about maintaining bank accounts, applying for credit card extensions, and delegating responsibilities. I said to myself, this is really it, I'm really going to get married ---- not that I never thought we would, because since Day 1 Mr. M already made it clear that he had marriage in mind in pursuing this relationship ---- it's just that this is a whole new level, and I want to do things rightly.
Then we got engaged, had the pamanhikan, and soon, we started talking about attending marriage counseling. Pretty much after that we drafted a timeline of our wedding-related activities, and talked about our wedding budget. But you and I know that the wedding is just Day 1. The first day of marriage isn't as important as the last. Planning for a great wedding is good; but planning for a solid, Christ-centered and God-glorifying marriage is what we both pray for our own. This is the part that makes me want to learn as much info about, because whatever happens to this marriage, we will be both accountable to God, to our families, and to ourselves.
As the big day gets nearer and nearer, I think about the many changes and adjustments I will have to make as a future Mrs. Marriage isn't a walk in the park, and the more prepared we are for this, the better. I've got to know and accept the cost, because this is going to be for a lifetime, and there'll be no turning back.
One of the things that I want to do once we get married is to learn how to plan for delicious yet nutritious and well-balanced meals. If you know me, I like to cook, but the irony is I do not know that many dishes. I grew up in a household where we know everything ---- from ironing, to washing clothes, to repairing some things ---- but not cooking. The kitchen was reserved for my mom or the house help, because my dad had a very discriminating taste, and he likes food to be consistently delicious with this distinct balance of all the saltiness, sweetness, bitterness and spiciness that only he, my mom and our house help can understand, and not some kind of experiment that one of his children whipped up. At least it was easier dealing with dad. After many years of learning mama's recipes, our house help would whip up any dish, and my dad would happily eat. When he was struck by cancer, he obediently ate all the healthy food my mom put on the table. His only request was that it be prepared by mom or the house help. Mr. M is a different story. He loves the unhealthy type of food ----- eeeekkks!!! From burgers, fries, shawarma, to softdrinks ----- my sweetheart loves all the oily and greasy stuff! Plus, I have to keep on controlling his softdrink intake because seriously, I am afraid he'll develop diabetes. He doesn't mind who prepares the food, because if he likes it, he'll help himself to a very, very big serving!
The irony of it all is that even if he has a huge appetite, he doesn't like a lot of food, like pusit, hipon (very good because I have allergies to shrimps!), and veggies like eggplant, tomato (when served ensalada style), itlog na maalat, and green mangoes. The list is endless, but the names of the food items he doesn't like just escape me now. But see what I mean? Maloloka ang lola niyo mag-ready ng daily meals nya! Early into our engagement, I had dreams of learning how to grill meat, and serve it with ensaladang kamatis, sibuyas at mangga, which unfortunately, he just doesn't eat. He's also particular with chicken and beef, and prefers only certain methods of cooking. He likes spicy meals, while I hate too much spice! And oh no, he shares my love for sweets, and that's why it's doubly difficult to be disciplined because I am disciplining myself, and at the same time watching over him too!
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| After a rice meal, my beloved suddenly ordered an extra Sumo burger. I thought we'd split it between us, but no, he ordered us a burger each! |
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| Just like me, he loves Starbucks. Oooh, Java Chip! |
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| My foodie of a sweetheart won't pass up a chance to dine buffet style...and even plans to go back again! |
Sometimes I feel guilty whenever I call his attention over our eating habits and food choices. It's as if I am depriving him of something he really enjoys --- which actually isn't of course. I tell him I want us to love long and healthy lives for each other, and for our future children. But since he works so hard and maintains a very crazy work schedule, all he takes comfort in is a nice meal after a long day in the office (read: eating to his heart's delight, which is more often translated to indulging and over-eating). I can relate to this because food has become a plan B when I can't get enough sleep (or when I don't sleep at all) and to avoid contracting illness. But I know we should put a stop to this habit because really, it's very unhealthy.
If this isn't crazy enough, I do not eat or rarely eat some of the food he actually loves! Take hito for example. I hate it, because it's very delicious and yet every time I eat hito, I always end up with a very, very upset stomach. But he loves hito, and actually requested me to learn how to grill it. I would gladly do this, but I won't ever touch it. If I cook hito for him, I'll have to think of another dish for myself.
So now I'm done with the concerns on food. Next is how will we do life together? We never lived in, so we never had any inkling on what each would do on a normal day. Of course I do have ideas, but only on a kwento basis. I know that since he works long hours, he sleeps until lunchtime on Saturdays, eats breakfast cum lunch, watches Dog Whisperer and other features on NatGeo, Discovery, BBC, Al Jhazera, and CNN, naps again, and wakes up late in the afternoon. But how about when we already live together as husband and wife? Is he tidy in the house (I think not. Gasp!!!)? Does he have weird sleeping habits? Can I rely on him to do some house work (Yes, he said so.)? Oh, the list of adjustments now begins to get longer.
But the biggest adjustment ever that I will have to make is to live with dogs and learn to like them, because M is a dog-lover, and fervently wishes for us to raise dogs and let our children experience the joy of caring for these four-legged pets. Now, I don't only dislike dogs; I'm actually so scared of them. I had on many occasions been almost bitten by our neighbors' dogs, and that's why I grew up not liking them at all. When M walked into my life, he completely changed my perspective of them. He grew up with dogs, and as the future head of our family, I had to submit to his decision of us raising several of them (Gasp again!!!!), even if I have several allergies and even if I am afraid having dogs in the house will further trigger them.
Now before you think what a heartless and inconsiderate fellow he is, he actually is not like that at all, because before we bring dogs into our house, we'll have to go see an allergologist and have him check up on me to make sure that having those pets around won't be harmful to my health, or to our children's. That was the easy part. But imagine me cleaning up the dog's poo poo, enduring the smell of his wee wee, and being always on guard because I always fear the dog will climb up on me, or just bite me. M was always fascinated with our neighbors' dogs, and actually befriended them --- Zohan and Odie --- but me? I never even went nearer than four feet away from those mutts. I only warmed up to Odie because he never barked nor showed climbing tendencies unlike all the dogs I met before. This to me is a super major adjustment, because not only does my sweetheart want one dog, he actually wants three (Gasp again!!!!!!)!
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| M and Zohan, a neighborhood labrador |
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| Odie, our neighbor's cute and playful pet dog |
I must confess there are times when I want to take back my yes (hahahaha --- I'm so bad!), but seeing the genuine happiness he has in playing with the neighborhood dogs is enough to convince me to just stick to my promise that at the right time, we'll welcome dogs into our own house.
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| This was taken before my grad ceremony. Did you know that Sweetie doesn't like posing for too many photos? A few shots are enough for him, unlike me who wants every angle covered. Hahahaha!!!!! He'd rather be the one behind the camera. But for the sake of me on this day.....ah, the beauty of adjusting to each other! :-) |
I wonder what else are the adjustments I'll have to take. Will they be big or small? Will they make me happy or sad? Will they be life-changing (such as this decision to take care of dogs), or very minor in detail?
Whatever they are, I pray that God would give me the right attitude in adjusting to my future husband (and all his idiosyncracies), help me in submitting to my Sweetheart's authority, and enable me to compromise with him in way that makes the decision in favor of this marriage.
What about you? What adjustments do you think you have to make with your future spouse?
