One of the many things that I truly appreciate in my relationship with M is that he tries to really know me, do things that really please me, and just love me the way I want to be loved. Our Monday night dates would always be short and sweet, but he finds creative ways to get to know me better and deeper. There are times when he asks me straightforwardly so he can find out more info; at other times, he just observes and concludes, then discusses with me what he thought about, and whether it is true or not. I am really thankful to God for giving me someone who tries his best to meet my emotional needs in a way that does not overshadow how God provides for everything that I could possibly ask for.
I'm no relationship guru, but one of the best things I've learned is this: whatever type of relationship we are in (as romantic couples, as parent-child, as brother-sister, etc.), if we want the other person to feel loved, we need to find out what is his / her love language, and "speak" it. Be consistent with it. Be intentional about it. Love must be mutual in order for a relationship to be successful, and how can we make it succeed if the other party does not feel loved in spite of all the efforts we've been doing?
Loving someone is both a task and a decision; there are lots of hard work to do, and a good and lasting relationship requires the deliberate effort of the people involved in it. If we give 110% in our careers, shouldn't we do the same to our love lives and relationships? Love isn't just a matter of expressing it any way you want to; it has to be done in a way that clearly and consistently communicates your love, dedication, affection and fondness for the other. It is a language that you have to speak, and one that the other person must fully understand. For instance, what good is it to keep buying her flowers, when all she wants is for you to give her your full attention whenever she talks?
I've heard countless stories of people breaking up, or getting in a violent fight or too many arguments (things that can potentially destroy any relationship), which could have been avoided if only people learn this important principle: know your loved one well enough to do what he / she wants you to, and therefore, make emotional deposits into his / her love bank as often as you could. We all experience days when it feels as if the love bank has just gone empty with too many withdrawals (ie, arguments, misunderstandings, etc.), and speaking the kind of love language that your partner has is one of the best things a person in a relationship can do to further nurture and nourish your love. Some people feel most loved when you give them quality time. Others need to be affirmed by receiving gifts from people who matter to them. Some people are touchy touchy type, so physical contact matters a lot to them. Others need to hear your words of assurance and affection every so often. And finally, there are those who feel most loved when the people who matter most to them help them carry out tasks. People may sometimes speak not only one, but as many as three love languages. Whatever their love language is, the bottomline is this: if you want a successful relationship --- one that is continually growing and maturing --- then make your loved one really feel LOVED. And one of the best ways to do that is to find out his / her specific love language(s). Curious? Click here to find out what is your love language. You can also try more specific tests (ie, for singles, wives, husbands, children, etc) from this site.
Mr M gave me this huggable dog we named Choco last summer. No reason at all. ;-) He just wants to give me a dog to hug as I sleep. To date, I think I have about 5 dogs and a big white teddy bear --- all coming from him.
Pardon the cheese, but he also grabbed this one the moment we stepped in Papemelroti. We both are fond of dogs, though ironically, neither of us owns one. Not even a puppy. He said someday we will. In the meantime, this brown pooch is him, and the one white is me. ;-)
I took the 5 love languages test, and it revealed what I had known all along: my love languages are receiving gifts and quality time. Good thing I have a beloved who pampers me with small and big surprises every now and then ;-)
I am just so glad that even when I was still single, my cell group leader from church taught us the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. That best-selling book went on to sell millions of copies, and has been rewritten to fit different kinds of reader. So now there's 5 Love Languages for Teenagers, for Singles, for Married People, for Men, for Children, and most recently, an edition that lets you discover your apology language. About two years ago I bought myself the original one, The 5 Love Languages paperback edition for only Php 400. That book has been read by a couple of friends and officemates who responded positively when I told them about it. Many of the principles from that book still ring true today. I am so glad Mr. Chapman expanded it such that we now have The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, God Speaks Your Love Language, The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, The Family You’ve Always Wanted, How to Really Love Your Adult Child, and a couple of other relationship-related books which I would want to have in my personal collection.
If you don't know your or your partner's love language, or if you want to further improve your relationship with anybody (not just your fiance), I have four practical suggestions:
1.) Take the love language test. It's really very simple. Click here. No cheating please. Let your partner also take it separately. Then discuss the results. Affirm and confirm.
2.) Immediately apply what you have learned about yourself and your partner from the test. Please be deliberate and intentional as possible. And the best time to do it is NOW.
3.) Check out your local bookstore. Start with National Bookstore or OMF Literature, Inc. Or visit the Christian bookstores nearest your place. Or go online via Amazon or other reliable online sellers. Buy yourself a copy of Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages in the edition of your preference (Original edition, Edition for Teenagers, for Singles, for Men, etc.)
4.) Are you a frequent blog reader? Then add The Five Love Languages Blog to your blogroll.
All images of the books were taken from the Five Love Languages Official Website. The rest have been taken by me.
No comments:
Post a Comment